Southron Sr.
08-10-2011, 10:54 AM
Waycross, GA - Aug 10th 2011 - Members of the soon-to-be Probationary N-SSA Team, the 33.3 Georgia "Rapid Performance Militia" or otherwise known as the "33 & 1/3 RPM's" participated in a "Maynard Intervention" for their Beloved Team Commander, Harvey Horsepatty.
"According to a spokesmen for the team: "All the signs of Maynard Delusional Syndrome" were present in our Beloved Commander." "He had purchased his Maynard Carbine from one of those 'back alley gun shops' that specialize in Maynard sales."
"At team practices he would miss the target frame, but would claim his Maynard never missed!" "Then the final blow came-he kept muttering what a 'Wonderful Buffalo Rifle' his Maynard would make."
As Beloved Commander Horsepatty was exhibiting signs of the "Classic Maynard Delusional Syndrome" -the team decided to act quickly.
Because of the slow economy, members of the team could not afford to hire professional medical help for their Beloved Team Commander. They purchased one of those "Do-It-Yourself" Maynard Intervention Kits advertised on the back cover in the printed version of the current issue of "The Skirmish Line."
They threw a "phony surprise Birthday Party" for their Beloved Commander in his home one evening. He became suspicious because he told several team members he "Smelled a Big, Fat, Rat" because it wasn't his birthday. Forced to act prematurely, the team's Vice Commander, Adjutant and and Picnic Officer simultaneously shot their commander with three M26 Tasers they had borrowed from the local police department.
As the Vice Commander later commented: "He went down like a side of beef and became totally comatose-maybe three Tasers were a bit much-I noticed his wrist watch started running backwards because of the excessive voltage."
Following instructions in the "Do-It-Yourself" Maynard Intervention Kit, their Beloved and now Comatose Commander was carried to Miller's Cave at the foot of Tiger Mountain outside of Waycross.
[The cave became nationally famous because of Hank Snow's immortal country music hit in 1964. A lesser known fact is that in the days of the "Old South" it was part of the "Underground Subway" for escaping slaves. MIller's Cave connects with a series of limestone caves that run north and come out in Central Ohio.]
The instructions in the Intervention Kit said that one sure cure for Maynard Delusional Syndrome was that the patient should smell fresh bat guano for three days and, of course, there is a lot of bats in Miller's Cave and consequently a lot of fresh bat guano
As the Vice Commander told police investigating the disappearance of their Beloved Commander: "We left him chained up to a rock in Miller's Cave between two huge piles of bat guano." "When we came back three days later to release him-the chains had been chewed thru and out Beloved Commander was gone!"
Of course, the MYSTERY IS-did their Beloved Commander chew thru his chains and is now lost in the cave OR did one of the bears known to inhabit Miller's Cave chew thru the chains and eat their Beloved Commander? Whatever the case is-this Maynard Intervention that went horribly wrong.
Word of Advice-If you are planning on holding a Maynard Intervention for one of your team members suffering from Maynard Delusional Syndrome- PLEASE seek professional medical help!
"According to a spokesmen for the team: "All the signs of Maynard Delusional Syndrome" were present in our Beloved Commander." "He had purchased his Maynard Carbine from one of those 'back alley gun shops' that specialize in Maynard sales."
"At team practices he would miss the target frame, but would claim his Maynard never missed!" "Then the final blow came-he kept muttering what a 'Wonderful Buffalo Rifle' his Maynard would make."
As Beloved Commander Horsepatty was exhibiting signs of the "Classic Maynard Delusional Syndrome" -the team decided to act quickly.
Because of the slow economy, members of the team could not afford to hire professional medical help for their Beloved Team Commander. They purchased one of those "Do-It-Yourself" Maynard Intervention Kits advertised on the back cover in the printed version of the current issue of "The Skirmish Line."
They threw a "phony surprise Birthday Party" for their Beloved Commander in his home one evening. He became suspicious because he told several team members he "Smelled a Big, Fat, Rat" because it wasn't his birthday. Forced to act prematurely, the team's Vice Commander, Adjutant and and Picnic Officer simultaneously shot their commander with three M26 Tasers they had borrowed from the local police department.
As the Vice Commander later commented: "He went down like a side of beef and became totally comatose-maybe three Tasers were a bit much-I noticed his wrist watch started running backwards because of the excessive voltage."
Following instructions in the "Do-It-Yourself" Maynard Intervention Kit, their Beloved and now Comatose Commander was carried to Miller's Cave at the foot of Tiger Mountain outside of Waycross.
[The cave became nationally famous because of Hank Snow's immortal country music hit in 1964. A lesser known fact is that in the days of the "Old South" it was part of the "Underground Subway" for escaping slaves. MIller's Cave connects with a series of limestone caves that run north and come out in Central Ohio.]
The instructions in the Intervention Kit said that one sure cure for Maynard Delusional Syndrome was that the patient should smell fresh bat guano for three days and, of course, there is a lot of bats in Miller's Cave and consequently a lot of fresh bat guano
As the Vice Commander told police investigating the disappearance of their Beloved Commander: "We left him chained up to a rock in Miller's Cave between two huge piles of bat guano." "When we came back three days later to release him-the chains had been chewed thru and out Beloved Commander was gone!"
Of course, the MYSTERY IS-did their Beloved Commander chew thru his chains and is now lost in the cave OR did one of the bears known to inhabit Miller's Cave chew thru the chains and eat their Beloved Commander? Whatever the case is-this Maynard Intervention that went horribly wrong.
Word of Advice-If you are planning on holding a Maynard Intervention for one of your team members suffering from Maynard Delusional Syndrome- PLEASE seek professional medical help!