WTB Windsor and Moore Enfield

[hwaugh]

Looking to add either a Windsor Enfield or a Moore Enfield to my collection. Anyone considering parting with one please call me at 315-592-4901. Thanks.

Harry Waugh 3731- Terry's Texas Rangers

[BADSHOT]

I can help you young fella, got one of each, just got to replace em with something, before I can untie from the tomatoes.

[hwaugh]

Rascus, is that you? I thought you and Daisey Mae and the little ones were in the witness protection program? Don't tell me that they finally caught up with your old boss who ran that septic truck scam. I sure hope things are well with you and the little ones. By the way how is "Goat Boy" doing these days? Last I knew he was under the tutoring of old Doug Hyster who was teaching him how to be Rudloph by putting a bore light up his nose. Did he ever make a living by doing that?

[BADSHOT]

We're in a heap of trouble now me thinks.Goat Boy is married now to -well I call her Horse Face (cause of her big teeth) but her name is Maybelle,anyhow looks like their little one-I call Wolf Boy, (cause of all his facial hair) found my old missing laptop. I aint seen it since the witness program took us over. Wolf Boy is the one that responded to your posting, not me. And if someone out there in cyber space tracks that message, we will have to move again, seems like the neighbors finally just got used to us too.(after the neighbor hood council erected a 30 foot fence around our property.) (sure was nice of them)it keeps all the little ones from wandering off ya know.
Well, me thinks I better shut down for now, got me a new job catering picnics down here.........

[BADSHOT]

Well Ole partner, Me gots the Windsor and Moore all wrapped up and ready to ship, Daisy May even put in a few of her special brownies for you, and Goat Boy used fertilizer for packing material inside your package, (smells a little funny though)., but it should ship just fine. Hope you like it, Goat boy said there is a tomatoe growing right at the end of the muzzle.
Take Care-Rascus

[hwaugh]

Rascus - I sure do appreciate you forwarding the Windsor and the Moore muskets. I especially am lookin' forward to them thar brownies that yourn Daisey Mae dun sent along. As I recall Daisey Mae used to sell alot of them thar brownies to local officals. I remember the red haired sheriff was fond of them and would stop by to see your Daisey Mae on a regular basis. I always admired your your first born child with the red hair. Made me think you might be related to the sheriff somehow or another.

[hwaugh]

Rascus - Remember your horse tradin' buddy ole Runny Siggs? He was a hopin' to meet with you to discuss that three legged horse he sold you and you traded back to him for the short legged coon hounds. It seems thar was some problems with the horse whem he got it back to his West Virginie farm. I told him you and Daisey Mae were a lying low fer awhile and that you probably wouldn't be able to meets up with him. Ole Runny said he is over the problems with that horse but he has a new deal he like to run by ya. He says if you and him team up on this project you would be set fer life. Any interest in joinin' up with ole Runny?

[BADSHOT]

HW- I got's some bad news, your package came back, I did'nt even put a return address on it, cause as you know I'm in the witness protection program, but anyhow the postman said it never left their local post office, he said it stinks so bad, it cannot be shipped? I don't understand it, all it had was a little chicken XXXX from the garden? Anyhow, goat boy will do a better job spraying it off with the hose, and we will repack. Also the brownies had a strange color mold growing on them, so Daisymay will bake some more. I apologize for the delay, but I know you'll be happy with it when it gets there. P.S.-About the three legged cow, all is fine now-no one is mad, seems them short legged pups were no prize either, as they were one third aligator, and kept eating all Daisy may's eggs out at the chicken coop.
Well- got's to go for now- Rascus

[BADSHOT]

HW- Big Trouble- Goat Boy has gone missing, and I think he is on his way to your house. I promised him half of what you paid me for the enfield, and when it came back undeliverable, I think Goat Boy got it in his head to self deliver it. I did not tell you but he and Maybelle are expecting their first offspring, and well-ya know vetenarians don't come cheap no more! So please be on the look-out for him, he' got a terrible sense of direction, but a keen nose for scents, and I also noticed that ole-hair piece you used to wear, that he stole from you, is gone from the outhouse, so I pretty much got it figured he's a heading North. If he makes it to your place, would ya please let me know, Daisy May is very wooried, and Maybelle has quit eating.
Well-ole friend, take care, and please keep the lights on!
Rascus

[hwaugh]

Stevie - I been having some family problems here at home and was a hopin' ya might be able to lend your ole friend Rascus a bit of advice. You know about Goat boy takin' off north to find a guy they call "The Rat," well we's alookin' fer that crazy kid but he ain't done surfaced as of yet, but my Daisy Mae is heart sick over his a leavin' Goat boy's wife is expectin' and I fears that I will have another mouth to feed real soon. Me Daisy Mae isa workin' at a message palor downtown. This here message palor must be something to do with the internet and typing because me Daisy Mae comes home with her fingers real sore from all the typing she must be a doing. I can't complain though because this here message palor seems to pay real good. Some nights Daisy Mae brings home $200 to $500. I guess she must really be a good typer. The best part of her job is that she is paid in cash every night. Daisy tells me that she helps customers that communicate to her and she communicates back to them. I should be real happy about Daisy Mae's new job but here is the problem. She leaves for work at 8:00 p.m. and don't get back till sometimes as early as 5:00 a.m. in the morning. Now our little ones is a puttin' up a big fuss over their ma being gone at night. I figures me Daisy Mae must work the late shift at this here message palor. Any ways the youngest, the one with blond hair, is cryin' throughout the night fer her mother. Now this makes the middle child, the one with red hair, unable to sleep and he fusses all night long too. The oldest, the one with black hair keeps a gettin' up to yell at the other two so no one is a gettin' any sleep. When me Daisy Mae gets home she quiets them down and they fall asleep with their mother. My problem is I haveta go to work and I is not worth a tinkers damn all day. My boss, who is a real hard man, told me that if I don't get my self together and start showin' up on time and with enough energy to keep me eye open I will a be lookin' fer another job. This here job is almost as good as the septic tank and outhouse cleanin' job I had back in ole Virginie, I sure would hate to lose this here job. What should i do? Yer friend Rascus.

[BADSHOT]

HW- Update-We got a letter from Goat Boy, apparently he was not headin to your house as we first assumed, he sent a letter and told us he has joined the service, he cannot tell us where he is and I now think he just wanted to get away from Maybelle. I do not know what happened to your musket, so don't bother to send any money. Maybelle is due any day now, and I'll be a grandpa, if its a boy she wants to call it Kevin, and if its a girl she wants to name it Joelle. I was personally hoping for Goatboy Jr. but I have no say in it. Daisy Mae has been laid off, but at least she is getting something called unemployment? Its really neat, they send her a paycheck every week!
Well, I'll let you know any updates as I get them, take care old boy!

Rascus

[hwaugh]

Stevie - Done heard from your pal the "Rat" about not gettin' his musket. He sure is a little touchy about wantin' to git his money back. I told me Daisy Mae that I needed to borrow some money from her since I done spent the money your friend sent on a new canoe (I always wanted to go down a wild river like them boys in the Movie Deliverence). I knew Daisy Mae had extra money because of all the cash she was a bringin' home from her message parlor job downtown. I told you she was a laid off and gittin' unemployment but that ain't quite true. She is a still workin' and bringin' home lots of cash, I just didn't want you to think I was a neglectin' me little ones. I have worked out a solution to keep the little ones quiet at night. I just gives each of em one of Daisy Mae's special brownies and they get real quite and mellow and then they falls asleep in no time and don't wake up until 7:00 am. I is back in favor with me boss and things are a lookin up fer Rascus and his family. I gots to run I smell smoke coming from shed next to the house...

[hwaugh]

Well Stevie, where there is smoke there is fire. sorry I had to run last time we was a chattin' but when I done smelled the smoke I went a runnin' and knew there was big trouble out in the shed. When i done gots there the shed was in flames and me black haired boy, the oldest of the little ones, was crying and tryin' to pull the canoe out of the burnin' shed. I saw right away that there was no way he could git that thar canoe out before he got burned, so I done grabbed him by his shirt collar and pulled him back toward the house. i done run to the house and shouted at Daisy Mae to get Maybelle and the little ones out of the house before it went up in flames too. By the time everyone got out the house was a burnin' pretty hot too. The fire department came and did the best they could. We done lost everything except our lap top, the digital camera and Daisy Mae's brownie receipe, all of which she keeps with her at all times in a shoulder bag. Apparently some of her customers at the message parlor like to e-mail her fer advice and future appointments. Not sure why she needs to send pictures of herself from her camera, but I guess this message parlor likes her to keep in close contact with her customers. Anyway we is now homeless and a lookin' fer a new place to live. The fire department figured that me black haired boy was a meltin' plastic in the canoe with me blow torch. It seems the boy was trying to build a seat a little lower in the canoe that would fit him better. In the process of a nailin' some wood fer a seat he punched some holes in the bottom of the canoe. He knew I would be madder than a wet hen so he figured he would melt the wings off his plastic plane to drip the plastic into the holes so the canoe would not leak. All was a goin' good until the plastic caught on fire and he threw what he thought was water on the flames. I had stored some moonshine in a milk bottle which he thought was water. Well the rest is history. No canoe, no shed no moonshine and no home. We is homeless and I don't know what to do...

Rascus

[hwaugh]

Rascus - I heard from Stevie and can't believe you are without a home. Forget about the muskets and keep the money you owe me for the Windsor and the Moore. Put that $50.00 toward a motel room until you get squared away. I talked with Stevie and he says he has talked with old Runny Siggs in West Virginia. Remember he only lived 20 miles from your old farm in Virginia. Well, Steve says that Runny has an old sharecroppers house on his farm that could be used by you and your family until you find something better. It doesn't have running water and it has no electricity but you could put a roof over your family's head until you find something better. Runny says that he don't want no money, just a few of Daisy Mae's brownies every now and again. I know you were moved away for your protection, but the owner of the septic tank and outhouse cleaning service is in jail and so is the local crime lord who ran the whole scam. I believe you might want to think about coming home again to your roots in northern Virginie. Remember "There's no place like home...there's no place like home." Your friend the "Rat."

[hwaugh]

Stevie - I is done come home. Your friend the "Rat" advised me as to how best to deal with me problem of no home. I done took his advice and come back to northern Virginie. After me house burned down from the fire created by me black haired son, the oldest of the little uns, I was contacted by the insurance company and they handed me a big check for our loss. I didn't even know we had insurance, but when the government moved us here in the witness protection program they gave us the house and had it insured in my name. I couldn't believe me eyes when I saw all them zeroes after the big number one on the check. I told me Daisy Mae that it was a time to be gittin' back to our roots and we was aheadin' home with our three little ones and Goat boy's wife, Maybelle and our new grandson, Kevine. Maybelle named him after a school superintendent that she met when she interviewed for a job as a cook in his district way up north near Canada. She always maintained that even though she didn't get the job, the three day interview process which entailed cooking and cleaning his apartment, brought her closer to this man than any other, so she wanted to name her son Kevine. It is kinda funny that she left the area and married Goat Boy only months after she tried out for the job. In fact it has been less than a year since she left that superintendent. He sure must have made a lasting impression on Maybelle to want to name her first born after him. Oh well, back to my news. I done took the check to the bank and bought back my old homestead we used to own a few years back. It was never occupied or sold since we left. It seems people were so awe struck my me creative construction of our old home that they just couldn't bring themselves to become owners of me house trailer with the four addtions I done put on as me family grew. After I bought the old place, I found I had enough money left to buy the septic tank truck I used to run back in me former job. Now I is the boss and I am going to make pumping poop into a booming business. Daisy Mae is a gonna help me git back into pumping septic tanks and cleaning outhouses full time. She is gonna be me sexetary and take calls and schedule jobs. I can't tell you how happys I is to be back working in the medium I knows best. When it comes poop I is the king. I sure knows me poop and I have a real nose for this kind of work. Daisy Mae is gonna be home schooling the little ones fer awhile. She hopes to maybe find a message parlor where she can pick up a few dollars a helpin' customers with their problems and needs. Me Daisy Mae is truly a wonderful woman. I'll keep you posted on me progress in settlin' in on our old farm.

Your friend,
Rascus

[BADSHOT]

HW-Me needs help, I was bayoneted in the head today with a roof nail,Daisy said I needed stichin, but kept right on a working. The problem is, now I can't move my jaw too much,Daisy is a gone to her night job, and I can't yell at the little ones to get them in fer bed., could ya please contact your'ne friend Dr.Bauchelman, and get a medical opinion? Thanks very much!

[hwaugh]

Rascus - Sorry to hear about your nail in the head experience from the other day. I called Dr. Bauchelman and told him of your problem and I asked if he had any advice. He remembered you right away. He is the doctor who did all the testing on you when you were giving state's evidence on your old boss, just before you were placed in the witness protection program. It seems your case file has become a "Classic" example that is now used in many universities as how a man can achieve way over his innate abilities. Dr. Bauchelman reveled to me that your I.Q. score was just at the 65 point level and that your thought processes are skewed by your A.D.D. This combined with your most unusal Ink Blot test results ,where every picture reminded you of the contents in a septic tank, indicate that you are easily hood winked, easily confused, unable to keep a train of thought longer than several minutes and probably are functioning at such a low level that you should be institutionalized. Yet, you are preforming well over all these "markers" that should limit you. Dr. Bauchelman believes you may well have struck on to the answer to your ability to function as well as you do. This latest blow to your head is just another in a series of head traumas that seem to improve your over all performance. Remember when Goat Boy accidently hit you in the head with a sledge hammer when you were changing a plow on your tractor. Remember when you discharged a shotgun inside your truck when you were "Jacking deer" and you had a headache and hearing loss for two weeks after. Remember the time your "black haired" youngster threw a rock and hit you in the forehead and knocked you out stone cold. I could go on and on about additional head traumas you have experienced. But the long and the short of it is that each of these incidents seems to have jarred the "wiring" in your head leading to enhanced mental performance. Dr. Bauchelman wants to conduct some tests on you to see if additional head trauma will improve you abilities.Through a series of "shots to the head" Dr. Bauchelman will measure your mental abilities after the blows. What do you say, are you up to some "whacks" along side your head?

[BADSHOT]

HW-You know, you might be right, After falling into a deep sleep last night, I have awoke revitalized,and feel brighter than ever, for example, I put the milking machine on the cow, and then hooked the milk tubes up direct to the ice cube maker on the refrigerator. This will make great iced coffee! I also fed some of Daisy Mae's brownies to the hens, and some have doubled production this morning. If this keeps up, I may be able to afford that new canoe, (to replace the one the red-haired boy burned up last year. Well have to go for now, going to try diving into the shallow stone quarry out back.

Thanks & thank your Doctor friend too!